How should a new manager start one-on-ones?
Dongyoung Kim, CPO
A new manager should start one-on-ones as a way to get to know each team member before judging anyone. In the first one-on-one, hear what they work on, how they like to work, and what they want from their manager, and explain how often you will meet and why. Over the next three months, shift the weight of the conversation from listening to aligning expectations to growth and feedback.
Why one-on-ones matter so much for a new manager
When the manager changes, team members wonder about many things without saying so: whether the way of working will change, what will count as doing well, and whether their current work stays the same. If those questions go unanswered, they guess from the new manager's words and actions, and the guesses usually lean more anxious than reality.
A manager's influence on the team is large. Gallup estimated that managers account for at least 70% of the variance in employee engagement scores across business units (Gallup, 2015). The first few months with a new manager can shape how engaged the team becomes.
Yet few people learn how to run one-on-ones before becoming a manager. A researcher writing in Harvard Business Review points out that few organizations give managers enough guidance or training on one-on-ones (HBR, 2022). So this article lays out, in order, what a new manager can do from the first one-on-one through month three.
What to prepare before the first one-on-one
The first one-on-one is the first time a team member sees the new manager up close. Prepare these four things before you start.
- Explain why you hold one-on-ones. Saying in a team meeting that they are not for evaluation but for learning how each person works and what help they need makes people less tense.
- Set a cadence and length and put them on the calendar as a recurring event. Start with about 30 minutes every two weeks and adjust later if needed.
- Ask team members to write down topics they want to discuss beforehand. Ben Horowitz also recommended that employees send the agenda in advance (a16z, 2012). A form for it is in the one-on-one doc.
- Look over what each person works on and their recent output. But do not reach conclusions from the previous manager's ratings or hearsay. The point of the first one-on-one is to hear from the team member directly.
Questions for the first one-on-one
In the first one-on-one, the manager should listen longer than they talk. You do not need to ask every question. Pick one or two per topic below.
| Topic | Example questions |
|---|---|
| Current work | What takes most of your time these days? Is anything in it getting stuck? |
| Working style | How do you work best? Do you prefer to think things through alone or by talking them over? |
| What you want from me | Is there something you would really like your manager to do, or not do? |
| Feedback | What kind of feedback has helped you most? Do you prefer to hear it right away or after some thought? |
| Past experience | If you have had one-on-ones or check-ins before, what worked and what did not? |
| Looking ahead | Is there work you want to try on this team this year, or a skill you want to build? |
Introduce yourself too. Briefly sharing how you work, what matters to you, and what they can always bring to you helps them sense what is fair game next time. At the end, pick one thing for yourself from what they said and do it before the next one-on-one. More questions are in the one-on-one questions list.
How to run the first three months
If a new manager tries to change everything at once, the team struggles to keep up. Orblit recommends shifting the weight of one-on-one conversations in this order over the first three months.
| When | Focus | What the manager does |
|---|---|---|
| Month 1 | Listening | Hear and note what each person works on, how they work, and what worries them. Hold back on judgment and advice. |
| Month 2 | Aligning expectations | Agree together on team goals, each person's role, and what will count as doing well. |
| Month 3 | Growth and feedback | Give and receive feedback against the agreed expectations, and talk about the skills they want to build. |
This order follows from the purpose of one-on-ones: aligning on expectations and building trust (HBR, 2024). Feedback that comes before trust is easily heard as evaluation. If something is urgent, of course, deal with it right away rather than waiting for its turn. The steps of a single one-on-one are in How do you run a one-on-one?.
Difficulties new managers often face
A team member who was your peer yesterday
When you are promoted within your own team, the relationship with close former peers becomes the most awkward. Rather than pretending nothing changed, say it in the first one-on-one: "Our roles have changed, so some things may feel awkward. If anything bothers you, bring it up here." Raising it first makes it easier for them to speak.
A team member with more experience than you
With experienced team members, ask for their judgment and share context only the manager has, rather than trying to advise. See How do you run one-on-ones with senior employees? for details.
Wanting to answer every problem right away
New managers want to show they are capable, so they tend to offer a fix for every concern. The one-on-one then becomes a place where the manager hands out answers, and the team member loses the chance to think it through. Before giving an answer, ask, "What would help most right now: my view or a decision?"
Postponing because you are busy
Becoming a manager suddenly brings more meetings and reports, and one-on-ones are the first thing pushed back. When a new manager postpones them, team members read it as an answer to what the new manager values. If you must postpone, set the new date on the spot.
What to look back on after three months
After three months, reread your one-on-one notes. If they record, for each person, their work and working style, the expectations you agreed on, and the skills they want to build, you have come through the first stage well as a new manager. If they are filled only with status updates, the conversation has turned into reporting. Other reasons one-on-ones stall are in Why do one-on-ones fail?.
Frequently Asked Questions
- Q.How long should a new manager's first one-on-one be?
- About 30 to 45 minutes. There are many get-to-know-you questions, so it is fine to schedule a little longer than usual. Keep to the end time, though, and carry what you did not cover to the next one-on-one.
- Q.What if a team member hardly talks in the first one-on-one?
- That is natural at first. Repeat that one-on-ones are not for evaluation, and start with easy questions such as what takes most of their time these days. Once they see you keep your commitments a few times, they will say more.
- Q.Can I read the previous manager's one-on-one notes?
- They help you understand a team member's work context. Be careful not to judge the person in advance from the ratings or impressions in them. If you have read them, it is better to say in the first one-on-one that you read the earlier notes and want to hear directly whether that is still true.
ORBLIT
How Orblit helps
To make it easier to put this article into practice, Orblit helps in these ways.
01Prepare the first one-on-one
Team members write their prep before the meeting, with an AI chatbot helping them organize it, so the manager starts the first meeting knowing what they want to discuss.
02When you are not sure what to ask
Orblit suggests tailored questions and a direction for the conversation, based on the team member's prep notes and previous one-on-one history.
03Three months on record
Record the conversation and AI organizes it into a summary and action items, which carry over into preparing the next one-on-one.
04Check your own conversation habits
AI leadership coaching shows the speaking ratio of leader and team member, and analyzes what the leader said to point out strengths and areas to improve.
05Training for new managers
Education offers one-on-one adoption training and team leader training, and Coaching connects coaching for the leadership transition.
Sources
- Managers Account for 70% of Variance in Employee Engagement · Gallup (Randall Beck, Jim Harter) · 2015-04-21
- Make the Most of Your One-on-One Meetings · Harvard Business Review (Steven G. Rogelberg) · 2022-11
- 5 Signs Your One-on-Ones Aren't Working · Harvard Business Review (Jen Dary) · 2024-06-03
- One on One · Andreessen Horowitz (Ben Horowitz) · 2012-08-30