How do you run remote one-on-one meetings?

Why remote one-on-ones are harder than in-person ones

In an office you can sense how a team member is doing outside one-on-ones: whether they skip lunch, stay late, or look tense in meetings. Remotely, most of those signals disappear, and the one-on-one becomes almost the only way to check in on someone.

The sense of connection weakens easily too. In a Gallup survey of nearly 19,000 US workers in May 2023, only 28% of fully remote employees strongly agreed they felt connected to their organization's mission or purpose (Gallup, 2023). As a remedy, Gallup advises managers to hold one meaningful conversation a week with each employee, 15 to 30 minutes at a minimum.

In another Gallup article, 80% of employees who had received meaningful feedback in the past week were fully engaged, regardless of how many days they worked in the office (Gallup, 2023). In other words, how often and how meaningfully people talk with their manager matters more than where they work. Both are correlational findings, though, so it is more accurate not to read them as proof that one-on-ones cause engagement to rise.

Preparing for remote one-on-ones: four things to settle first

Half of a remote one-on-one is decided in preparation. Turn what would happen naturally in person into explicit agreements.

1. Fix the schedule. If you decide “When shall we meet this week?” every time, remote one-on-ones are the first thing pushed back. Set a recurring calendar event, and when you have to move it, reschedule within the same week instead of cancelling. For cadence, see How often should you hold one-on-ones: weekly or every two weeks?; on a fully remote team, 20 to 30 minutes weekly often fits better than 45 minutes every two weeks.
2. Open a shared agenda in advance. In a doc or tool you both see, the team member writes topics first and the team lead adds just one. Put last time's action items at the top. For the layout, use the prep, notes, and action-items structure from How do you structure a one-on-one doc?.
3. Set a camera norm for the team. Stating the expectation up front, such as “Please turn your camera on for one-on-ones if you can, and let me know in advance if you can't,” saves the awkwardness of asking someone to turn it on in the moment. The leader always keeps their camera on.
4. Agree on note-taking and recording. If you plan to use your video tool's recording or automatic notes, explain the purpose and how long and where it is kept, and ask for consent first. As covered in How do you introduce one-on-ones to your team?, decide who can read the notes before you start.

Running a video 1on1: a 30-minute flow

Check in words, not by reading the room

On video, faces look small and slight delays make people talk over each other. Say out loud what you would let the mood handle in person.

• “I'm curious how what I just said came across. Tell me if it felt like pressure.”
• “You went quiet for a moment. Are you thinking, or should I say more?”
• “Is there anything from today you'd like me to write up for you?”

Wait a little longer through silence. On video even three seconds feels long and leaders rush to fill it, but the important things team members say usually come after.

Sample dialogue: a team member with the camera off who answers briefly

When a broad question like “How's it going?” gets a short answer, narrow it with a comparison or a number. Asking easy-to-answer questions opens a conversation far better than asking someone to turn their camera on.

What to watch for in one-on-ones on hybrid teams

On teams where some people come in and others work from home, who you see more often easily turns into a gap in opportunities and evaluation.

• Don't vary the format by person. If it is five minutes in the hallway with office staff and a formal 30 minutes with remote staff, the amount of notes and follow-up differs too. Apply the same cadence, length, and note-taking to everyone.
• Meet in person when your office days overlap; otherwise both join by video. Meeting on equal terms gives a more even conversation than one person in a meeting room and the other on a screen.
• Make the way you work a one-on-one topic. In Gallup's survey, only 12% of remote-capable employees decide where they work through a discussion with their team (Gallup, 2023). Ask in your one-on-ones which days would be good to get together and what is inconvenient on remote days.
• Share the burden across time zones. If you have colleagues abroad, alternate meeting times so the same person is not always up early or late.

15 example questions for remote one-on-ones

Use What questions should you ask in a one-on-one? for everyday one-on-ones; the questions below are worth adding when working remotely. Pick only two or three at a time.

Connection and isolation

• Did you talk with anyone on the team about something other than work this week?
• Have you felt you were missing what's going on in the team lately?
• Can you see how your current work connects to the team's goals?
• Who do you ask first when you need help? Have you ever hesitated to ask?

Collaboration and communication

• Of chat, docs, and video, which channel feels least efficient these days?
• How often does your work stall while you wait for an answer?
• Has any message or request from me been hard to read the intent of?
• In meetings, what could we cut and what must we keep?

Work environment and boundaries

• What time of day do you focus best at home?
• Is there equipment or a tool you're missing for your work?
• Are there times when the line between work and personal time blurs?
• Do you feel pressure to answer messages after hours?

Growth and visibility

• Is there recent work you'd like the team or other parts of the company to know more about?
• Do you feel you have fewer chances to learn because you're remote?
• Is there something you'd like to take on next quarter?

Remote one-on-one checklist

• We have a recurring event
• The team member wrote topics first in the shared agenda
• Last time's action items are at the top
• We agreed on camera, recording, and note-taking norms in advance
• The first five minutes were a non-work check-in
• I checked in words at the important moments
• Before finishing, we read the action items aloud and wrote down owners and deadlines
• I shared the notes with the team member the same day

If some items keep slipping, see Why do one-on-ones fail? for how to fix each stage.